Standing in your own power, loving yourself and being authentic and confident is the biggest turn on for a conscious man.
He wants to see those radiant qualities of yours – the same as you want him to show up in all his greatness.
But how do you believe in yourself, when you have so much self-doubt because of your past? How do you heal and get to a place of being open, loving and not have a wall around your heart?
It's a journey, it takes work but it's so worth it!
To have a man who loves you and sees your soul, is your No.1 supporter and pushes you to be the best you can be is the most amazing feeling ever.
That's why I encourage you ladies to work on yourselves so when you show up, you've put all your past hurts and disappointments behind you and you clearly know what you want and what you are prepared to give.
My heart breaks when I see so many women settling for being single… when I know the REAL TRUTH is that they would love to be in a committed relationship, and they long to be held, they miss the companionship, intimacy and the thought of not having someone to grow old with terrifies them.
When I ask most Women why they aren't in a relationship, I get all the same stock standard answers… but I also know the truth – and the problem with the truth is, “The truth shall set you free, but first it will piss you off!”.
See, so many women tell me they aren't in a relationship because they can't find a good man because none of them measures up to their “standards”. I also hear that men can't be trusted, they are all jerks, they only want sex, they don't want a woman like me and I've even been told that all men are “good for nothing”, and when I hear these things, I think it's no wonder that so many women are single!
We live in a very different world today than when we were first started dating and got married. I think as little girls we all grew up thinking we'd fall in love, have a family, a house with a white picket fence and we'd live happily ever after…
Unfortunately (or fortunately) things don't always work out like that. Often I see many women, who, as a defence mechanism to being hurt, put up such a strong layer of protection around themselves, that it becomes virtually impossible for any man to ever penetrate. Given that plus the fact that we are now in the second chapter of our lives, my fear is that many women will never get into a relationship and will be alone forever.
But I know it doesn't have to be this way. I know when you are an authentic, high-value woman, you can and will attract an amazing man. But, to do so means that you have to become a high-value woman as no man will ever be able to fill your soul and heart up, and give you the love you want if you haven't first given it to yourself.
The great news is every one of you already has inside of you everything you need and it just takes some rewiring of your mind. Our mind controls how we think and our thoughts lead to emotions, actions and results, so it's critical that we work on our inherent thought patterns.
Women often lose their self-belief and forget who they really are over time. They also tend to sacrifice themselves and accept less than they should, giving out to everyone else and take the little crumbs left over for themselves. I think we may have all been guilty of it, but we end up with eroded confidence and lose our spirit.
After a divorce is a perfect time to take stock of and to find yourself again. Many women realise just how lost they feel and how much of themselves they sacrificed. And many get mad. They are angry at their ex and angry at life. They feel that they gave and didn't get equal in return. And they are super pissed when he gets another woman and they are then angry at her.
They are often angry at everyone other than themselves… BUT it was the women who didn't stand up for herself, it was her who put everyone first, it was her who went last, didn't look after herself, and devoted all your time and energy to her husband and kids.
Part of getting over your divorce requires that you learn to trust and drop your barriers. You will never be able to love if you can't trust yourself and other people. Trust requires that you be open, vulnerable and can give love as well as receive love. I've worked with so many clients and I've seen the difference that doing their work and learning to heal from the inside out makes in their life. I also have the privilege of working with men and I hear a familiar story from them. They are as confused and as fearful as women are when it comes to dating and have the same challenges finding really great relationships.
You might not think there are great men out there but I'm here to tell you, you are wrong. It's about how you show up, it's how realistic your expectations are and it's about getting over yourself and stop making excuses because you don't have the courage, confidence and determination to do what it takes. Your own fear and internal beliefs are holding you back – nothing else. Saying there are no men, or they are all losers, or that you will not settle, or you'll wait until the right man magically appears – are all just excuses.
If you are ready to become a high-value woman and claim your power, you can attract as many high-value men as you want. Instead of saying that you won't lower your “standards” to have love, you'll learn that in many cases the “standards” you are holding onto are really just a safeguard and actually they a main part of the problem.
When you step up and start living into your own greatness, you'll see that many of your “standards” are nothing more than a laundry list of demands and hurdles you want men to jump over to be worthy of dating you!
Dating in your 40's and 50's is very different from dating in your 20's and 30's. The rules are different and I get so annoyed with so much of the advice being given because it is simply NOT true and it is certainly NOT applicable for women in our age bracket.
40 to 60-year-old men have their own list of what they are looking for and I'm sure many of you would be shocked if you knew what those things are. They do want committed relationships, and your age, weight and looks aren't half as important as you think they are!
So, if you are being overlooked, ghosted, rejected and sick of the dating merry-go-round, maybe it's time that you took a break from dating and take an honest look at how you are showing up and at your list of what constitutes a datable man.
If you don't know how to do it on your own, book a free call and I'll help you get clarity and chart a path forward.
Relationship and Transition Coach
Women On Transition
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