Control Freaks usually leave VICTIMS in their wake!

Control freaks are emotional vampires that feed on the innocence and empathy of unconsciously kind-hearted people.

I speak to many women who are kind-hearted and a bit naive and oblivious to the workings and machinations of a control freak…sometimes they marry men who have these tendencies and it causes a lot of suffering. 

Unfortunately, control freaks feel they are entitled to get whatever they desire. They are manipulative in most of their dealings and conversations, always scheming out new ways to obtain what they want from others, with little regard to how their behaviour impacts another person. 

The relationship between the control freak (predator) and their victim is parasitic in nature and often results in a codependent relationship. They love taking but hate giving. Control-freaks are vultures that feed on unwary souls and are of the illusion that the world owes them something. They approach the unsuspecting empath using very subtle emotional maneuvers and will never be satisfied until they suck the last bit of kindness out of them. 

When the empath has had enough and starts to stand up for herself and begins to step into her power, the predators disappear.

Unfortunately, this brave action often takes years to get to this point, and by the time it happens, the woman has been chipped away at and worn down so much, that she is left feeling broken, untrusting, abused and a shadow of her once former self. 

This is how many women feel when they come out of a toxic relationship.

Healing and reclaiming her life can only occur once she becomes aware of what has happened and makes a decision to move from being stuck and creates the intention to start rebuilding herself, and this is a journey that can bring peace and prosperity if done right. 

You may know someone who has been through a similar journey, or it may even be you and your story!

When I work with these women, their long-suffering and painful persecutions in the hands of the manipulator have worn them down, some are so isolated and lacking confidence that they doubt they can heal…but in time they get to see it as a gift.

It entrenches spiritual wisdom and strength. It gives them grace and infinite patience. I see what loving women they truly are, I see their beautiful soul, heart and their desire to serve. They are survivors and their suffering has made them stronger, wiser and spiritually equipped to face the world while living in hell.

They have seen and faced danger, abuse, blackmail and come through it all. They have been physically and mentally challenged to a level that others can’t even begin to imagine. The sheer magnitude of the burden they have carried around has been huge and cost them so much. 

Often others don’t see or understand their pain and often this blindness is what keeps them in the situation much longer than when they logically knew they should leave. There is also judgement, misunderstanding and stigma, and this causes a lot of shame, guilt and it is a lonely place to be stuck.

For these women, they often stay in the relationship for years and it is a big, black hole.  It is something they try to forget because it was very dark. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to leave, they tried to muster up the courage so many times, to escape. They aren’t cowards, they are survivors!  It just becomes a bad habit.

When you are around a control freak, you don’t see their fear or shattered soul, but you wear the brunt of their behaviour, and it teaches you real humility and you start to accept it as normal. The attacks and pain happen so often the victim becomes immune and desensitized. For many women, they are amazed and think it’s a miracle that they survived through the years of spiritual torture. 

This often leaves them feeling broken, unsure what “normal behaviour” even is because all they have known is what they have been through, and it feels hazy and putting words around it doesn’t even begin to describe the nightmare they lived.

No wonder they protected their hearts and let nobody in. Trust is gone, their emotions have disappeared and their hearts are cold. Years of intense suffering brings out their survival instincts but strips them of their pride, self-worth and any shred of confidence they once had.

Years of being humble, walking on eggshells, protecting, pretending and having to be obedient take it’s toll, as it was a living hell.

So I celebrate these women!  When I see them muster strength and courage and make a decision to move forward I become their number 1 supporter. It is just amazing to see them learning that their past doesn’t have to define their future. They learn to be brave, confront their fears and use their past to be their lesson. They transform from the broken women they were to an aware, conscious beautiful goddess…and it’s like watching a butterfly emerge from a cocoon…, and I feel so proud of them. 

Their whole lives change and it is the gift of their past which becomes the impetus for them to drive forward.  It’s from their darkness that they shine. Never ever will these women suffer that type of humiliation and fear again. 

And they move forward with gratitude and love… they carry with them an understanding and appreciation for their past as they know, they are the amazing, strong, invincible women they are today because they survived, changed and now know who they really are. 

If this is you, I salute you. If you are on your journey I encourage you and are sending you love. If you are stuck and need a hand, reach out if you need help from me.

Book a free call with me here.

Fiona May 

Relationship and Transition Coach

Women On Transition

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