I was asked recently if it's normal to not be attracted to or interested in men after your divorce…

This is my answer and I thought you may find it interesting…

After separation, many women find that they are not very interested in even looking at another man.  Initially, they may be heartbroken and when they look around all men they see look unappealing and you may be not attracted to any of them!  That may be pretty nasty and judgmental, but it was a defense mechanism and the way most women keep themselves safe and something they do to protect themselves from being hurt again.  Many rationalize that they could be just as happy on their own and they really don't need a man, so doubted they would ever be in another relationship.a

In hindsight, this thinking has proved neither Right and Wrong…but there are consequences for every decision we make. Whilst we may protect ourselves, we need to also ask ourselves what is taking that stand going to cost us.

I’d say that you need to look at why you feel like that… what thoughts, feelings and emotions are running through you. Is having a loving, committed relationship important to you? Is being on your own for the rest of your life what you want? Is having a series of one night stands with no commitment your preference???

Whatever it is, only you know so you must decide. I don't believe there's a one size fits all answer… It’s a decision you may initially make, if that's what you want – you can change it down the track.

So what is it you want for yourself right now?

If having a relationship is important to you, you’ll need to define what you want it to look like and who’ll you’ll need to be to achieve that outcome. Once you have made that decision you will probably need to gain new knowledge, tools and beliefs so you can bring about what it is you want.

For many women, they loved being married and in time, they learn to love being single.  It does take work and effort to heal, grow and learn what you could have done better and to complete your past, but it is essential if you do not want to make the same mistakes over and over again.  You need to plan for the life you want to have and be honest with yourself and admit if you really want a loving partner and a mate to grow old with.

If you do want a new relationship that lasts and is extraordinary, you need to create it and prepare yourself.  Your task is to master getting from where you are now, to where you wanted to be. You start with deciding on the calibre of the man you want and then make sure you do everything you need to do to become his equal, which usually means becoming an emotionally high-quality woman.

The first thing we work through is examining the client's thoughts and look at the stories they are telling themselves so they can get to the truth of who they are, what their core beliefs are and what's limiting their thinking.

Whatever story they are telling themselves about their past and where they are at, defines the action they take and these actions will either disempower or empower them, depending on how they proceed.

For many women completing their past and the previous relationship takes a concerted effort and understanding. I see women falling into 3 categories on this issue. They are stuck, builders or adventurers.

I encourage you to see your own truth. No one can tell you what’s right or wrong for you, but being honest with yourself as to what you want and living your life in integrity, allows you to be courageous and stand in your own power.

Suffering comes when you sell out on yourself and are living a lie. It will keep you safe but never truly happy.

Live your truth!

If you'd like to discuss your personal situation or how you can attract the love into your life you really want, book a complimentary call with me.

Fiona May 

Relationship and Transition Coach

Women On Transition

P.s. Join our over 16,000 women in our Private Facebook Group if you are a Woman looking to heal, grow and learn how to love after a separation, divorce or being widowed.